discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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