She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
