if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
