im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
