before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
