I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
