i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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