why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
