Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
