Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
