She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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