my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize