She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
