If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
