Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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