life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
