the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Damn victory sex feels great
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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