All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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