god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
