I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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