OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
