Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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