Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
