i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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