toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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