Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
