Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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