When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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