Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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