I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize