The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I deserve this hangover.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
