Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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