you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
