none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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