I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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