I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
