I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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