Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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