Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
