Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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