Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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