We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
