I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize