I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
