We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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