You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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