Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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