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It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
