why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
