You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize