thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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