I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
