everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
