if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
