You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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