Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
