Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
