never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
