A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sex in a hospital.. check
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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