I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
