as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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