ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
