She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
