sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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