just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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