Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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