Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
