were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
