You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
