so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
