I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
