people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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