I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think people are normalizing furries
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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