saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize